Let's Ask Violet

Anonymous asked:

Hey violet i was just wondering , how could i establish a friendship with my ex after a semi bad breakup that happened in January that was mostly my fault … because i do want him in my life and i would hope to eventually get back together with him ? but i dont know what to do . or the steps i should take . .

Violet responded:

I’m warning you right now, this is not a sure fire way of getting him to be your friend.  This is my way of trying to make friends with my ex’s, so if it doesn’t work, then you might want to modify it a bit.  However, making friends with your ex is always a hard thing to do, especially from a bad break-up.  Normally if you have the intentions to be friends with your ex, a nice break-up is a better thing to start off with. So you might have your work cut out for you.

First of all, give yourself a couple more months before talking to him.  You want to make sure that he’s given enough time to cool down from the break up.

This next part is going to take a while.  If you have hopes that you would eventually get back together, this is going to take even longer.  Send him a small text, just asking how he is and that you were thinking of him.  Don’t ask him if he still loves you, don’t push him to talk to you.  He might answer, or he might not.  You won’t know for sure until you do.  If he doesn’t want to talk to you, then let him be.

From there, if he does talk to you, then slowly just make small talk until he’s comfortable talking to you normally again.  Take your time between talking to him though, because if you smother him then he won’t want to talk to you.  Try talking once a week just to see if things are ok, but don’t try to force your way back into his life.

Once you guys have talked for a couple of months, try meeting up with him just to hang out.  You guys can go get lunch or something, just to see if you guys are ok to hang out.

The trick is your intention has to be that you want to be their friend, not get back together.  If you focus too much on getting him back, then it won’t work.  You know how when some people get married they say that they married their best friend?  That’s what you have to aim for; being their best friend.  Getting back together should be an afterthought.

Be patient, and take your time before doing anything rash.  This is a hard road to go down, but you have to try hard and hope for the best.

 

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