Let's Ask Violet

Break ups are hard.  Believe me, I would know.  Hopefully these will be helpful to know after a break-up.  These tips are for regardless if you want to be friends with your ex or not.

 

1.  Stop all contact with your ex.

The first thing you should do is to stop talking with your ex.  Don’t text them.  Don’t call them.  Don’t Facebook them.  Seriously.  If you feel yourself wanting to talk to them, hide your phone away.  Every break up is different, but really it’s best if you don’t talk to them at least a month.  Regardless if you want to be friends with your ex, the best thing to do is to stop all contact with your ex.   Trust me.  Right after a break up is the worst time to talk to your ex.  Emotions are running high, and it’s very easy to fall back into wanting to be in a relationship with them.

 

2.  Distract yourself

The worst thing to do is to sit around doing nothing.  Make yourself busy. Go out.  Walk your dog.  Write an article.  Start a multi-million dollar website.  Do anything but sit at home doing nothing.  Not doing anything will just allow you to mope about your relationship.  And that’s the last thing you want to do if you want to stop feeling sorry about yourself.

 

3.  Avoid Social Networking (or anything else that connects you to your ex)

Don’t go on their Facebook “just to see how they’re doing”.  Put away anything that reminds you of your ex.  Stop doing anything that reminds you of them.  It’s pretty much the same as distracting yourself.

 

4.  Surround yourself with real friends

Get out of the house.  Get your friends around you.  Don’t be alone.  Your friends are there to help you.  Those are the people that you need to be around.

 

5.  Improve yourself for yourself, not for your ex.

Eventually, you’ll stop feeling sorry for yourself.  That’s a good thing.  You’ll clean yourself up, you’ll start trying again, and you’ll go out on your own to do things that make you feel happy.  However you have to do this because you want to feel better, not in some kind of weird revenge quest against your ex.  You have to be true to yourself and not get hung up on your ex.  It’ll be hard at first, but eventually it will get easier.

 

6.  Give yourself time before moving on

Don’t jump into another relationship too soon.  Give yourself a minimum of three months before you’re ready to get into a new relationship.  This is probably the most important step that people seem to miss out.  Sometimes you think you’re ok to start dating again, but then you find out it’s just too soon.  That’s ok.  Just keep in mind your boundaries, and work your way to being back to normal.